stranger.

2years
3months
23 days
we've been together.
but now,its only a part of my life.like the past.

thanks.
its being a pleasure to know a guy like you.

and also thanks for making me soo speechless like this ;))
thanks for call me stranger in ur life.
i'll never forget it.lol

you DID it (again)

this story is the intermediate from the last story "its killing me softly" that i wrote at 24th august.
hmm. first im really speechless.
and all i do after im speechless,im laughing soo LOUD.
and then my tears began to running down again.
i dont know exactly for many times i did it.
crying its like my mutual habit.
second usually things that i always do beside angry.
its really2 tired you know why?
you've made promises and you brake it again and so on.
its sucks. and silly.
how i describe this feeling?im become numb.insane.
and dont how easier you did that too me (i dont know for many times).
how it look so easy when you brake my heart into pieces again.
i really want to hate you and then throw you like a rubbish.(as you always do to me.)
but i cant and it looks so dumb.
everything that i do,it dont make sense in your eyes.
u gives me pain and it feelings like hell.
i always try to give you chance but you throw it.
i always try to begin to trust you,but?see?what you've done?
i really want to runaway so far away.
i really want to sleep until this pain fade away with the time goes by.

as i always told you, do everything like today its your last day in this world,bcos you'll never know when the times will stop. do something before its too late,and all you'll get only regretful then. just wait the karma will comes.

so thanks for being my 'lifeteacher'
i've learned so much things from you.
and i'll never forget about everything that you've done to me.

i believe that God always have so much ways for those who always waiting patiently.
i believe in God ways,
who always giving the best,and always will be perfect at the right time.

miracle.

kadang gue ngrasa hidup itu ga adil.
yes,thats the truth.
life is never fair.
whyy??
bnyak hal gue pengen di dlm hdup gue,dan itu yg adalah 'hak' gue tp gue ga bsa dapetin itu.
bnyak hal yg gue mau lakuin di hidup gue tapi karna 'keterbatasan' ini itu gue ga bsa nglakuin itu.
kadang gue bner2 ga ngerti knapa.
bukannya gue ga brsyukur sm apa yg uda gue dapet.
gue sngat bsyukur.
tp kadang,ada hal2 yg ngbuat gue bner2 ngrasa hdup itu ga adil.
dan skrang gue rasa proses pembelajaran gue ttg hdup meningkat.
gue skrg lebih 'nyerahin' semuanya sama Tuhan
karna gue yakin rencana Dia selalu ada alasan yg pasti itu bakal jadi yg terbaik buat kita,
dulu ada org yg ngomong gini ma gue..

"kan Tuhan blg, burung di udara Tuhan beri makan, rumput di padang pun Tuhan plihara, apalagi kita yg uda diangkat jd AnakNya,jd itu yg ngbuat gue ga pernah takut akan hari esok karna gue yakin rencana Tuhan selalu indah pada waktuNya..."

Thanks God.
aku akan lebih belajar buat lebih bersyukur lagi atas smua yg uda aku dapet.
and i always believing in Your miracle God..

its killing me softly.

beberapa jem yg lalu co gue telpon dgn nada serius.

R : "yank,aq ada permintaan,tp km jgn marah ya,klo km marah aku ga jd ngomong.."
J :".....napa?..."(serius aga jutek)
R :"tuh kan blum ngomong aja km uda bete,ga jd ahh.."
J :"aq ga bete yank,,km ngomong aja..."
R :"gini beb,boleh ga aq buka facebook lagi?tp tanpa harus ijin dlu ke kamu..klo ga boleh gapapakok,aq juga bakal macem2 lagi,klo aq ketauan add2 cewe ato gmn2 km boleh putusin aku kok..boleh ga?"
J :"....."
R :"ga bolee yaaa?"
J :"........(SPEACHLESS)"

pulsa abis dan akhirnya kita pun smsan.

R :"km gausah bahas2 ttg yg tadi aku ngomong.aq tau itu ga akan mungkin terjadi kok ke aku."
gue bales:
"aku nanya ma km,jadinya skrg km klo buka fb bilang dlu apa ga?"
dia bales hal yg sama kaya diatas.
akhirnya dgn agak lebay gue ngomong gini:
"aku ga mau km ga bahagia pacaran ma aku. sekarangpun klo km mau aku pegi buat tglin km biar km bhagya aku juga mau."
dan dengan romantis nya (tp aga nyebelin juga sihh) dia bles:
"km gila suru km pegi?mana mungkin sih km satu2nya harta yg aku punya,ga mungkin aku tglin km sayang. aq cm sayang ma km walaupun kadang kesel tp aku ttp sayang bgt ma km beb.."

wew.
well,what happen to him today?
not like usual.


tiba2 dia sms lagi dan bilang:

"beda knp c beb?aq cm mau kita open minded aja.qta uda gede,klo ada apa2 yg ga disuka mending ngomong dan ngmgin bae2 jgn pake emosi,aq mau kita sma2 tnangin emosi satu sama lain.gmana?"

makin beda aja nih org.
(i'll shout it once again)
what happen to him??!!

hmmm,
mungkin kalian yg kalo baca tulisan gue yg ini pasti mikir nya gue yg aneh,ga kasih co gue kebebasan,terlalu posesiv,atau apalah.
but guys,you dont know what happened to me at the past.

you dont know how it hurts so much if someone that you love 'doing something' behind your back.
its hard for me to trusting someone,especially for someone who had disapointed me (not just once).

its like a traumatic for me,i dont wanna feel that sucks feelin anymore.its like hell!
i got u lied to me not just once beb,but its like usual things you always do.
but,in another side,i want to give you happiness too.
i dont want to make you hurt or not comfort to having a relationship with me.
but,to give you my trust again its really hard for me.

i always give you chances,but you throw it.
i always save your promise,but you ignored it.

i don't know how i will survive if you always do that things to me.
its killing me softly,baby.

gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
Can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're onto me, onto me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

im wrong.

you know,
fighting is like a mutual habit for us.
we can fighting about everything in everywhere we are.
you made that mistakes,but you even not realize that what were you did its so hurting me.
even its just a word,but it hurts me when i heard it.
sometimes i know i got myself insane because of you.
your words,your attitude,your mouth seems like wants to kill me through.
you're different now,i dont know why.
all i know that you just keeping me down and down everyday.
and i became insane because of you.
you put all the pains to me,which is really hurt for me to feel it.
but now i think,i cant hold it anymore.
its overloaded.

am i wrong to love you?
tell me before its too late.

our new couple t-shirt :))

well...
im so happy bcause my boyfriends's mom came home to jakarta from bangkok and she bought me and reza this one (again) :
is it cute right?lol
last year my boyfriend's mom just bought this similar t-shirt too,couple t-shirt.
i don't know why my bf's mom always bought that things to us,but,im really like it so much!
my bf's parents just bought that couple t-shirt too for them,but in another colour.
hmm,actually me and my bf already have 4 couple tshirt ;DD


thanks tanteeee!!
muahhh ;D

counting down the timee,...

wuahhh bntar lagi tgl 31 august tandanya bntar lagi cowok gue ultah dan gue blum nyiapin apa2 buat diaa. hmmm,sbenernya gue aga sering ngasih kado ke co gue meskipun itu lagi ga dalam rangka apa2. gue tapi selalu kasih dia sesuatu barang handmade,alias gue buat sendiri. biasanya gue ngbuatin dia sesuatu dari kain flanel,cuman gue ngrasa gue dah terlalu sering ngasih dia bgtuan. dan gue takutnya dy bosen karna gue ngrasa dia uda ga excited lagi sama jaitan gua. nih list barang2 yg uda gue buatin bakal dia:(ini salah satu frame handmade yg gue buat bkal dia.from bandung ;)

• scrap book about our love story from the first time we met.
• a little book (handmade by flanel) yg klo dibuka tyap lembar nya ad i love you.
• sarung hape (yg akhirnya ilang ga tau kemana T.T)
  
• mini cake (by flanel "again")
• etc

banyakk lagi deh gue juga da rada lupa. dan sekarang gue belum nyiapin apa2 buat hari specialnya dy. his 18th birthday. gue juga ga tau knapa dlu kayanya gue bisa uda nyiapin yg paling excited bgt deh buat dya da dari jauh2 hari. tapi skrg,gue ngrsa ya gtu yg kaya td gue blg he not excited with my present anymore (i guess). mungkin gue beralih ke barang yg lebih 'real' aja kali yaa. how about zara tshirt? or vantovel shoes? or else? huaahhhh. im so confusedddd...any idea? gue pgn kasih something yg special buat dy,tahun lalu waktu dy ultah ke 17th gue kasi dia cma boneka mariobros,handuk kecil(in pil case),sama lagu ulang tahun ciptaan gue yg gue nyanyiin pake gitar. trus how about this year??


you know beb? i'll always giving you all the best from me no matter how it hard to get.

party!

cheers!
kmrn jumat veny ngadain sweet 17th nya di Sheraton Hotel. dari jem 13.00 bestiess gue : nikhe and ciaa uda ngumpul di hum guaa buat dandan and nyalonn bareng,di slah satu salon di rumah yg lumayan lah hasilnya. co gue jemputt sekitar jem 17.00,,trus langsung cabut deh kitaa.

trus gue ma co gue jadi candle dadakan dan gue ma co gue sangat degdeg an. hahaa hmmm,quiet fun in there.

ga nyangka loh disana gue memenangkan bnyak perlombaan. ada 3 nihh :
best couple.
best dresscode! (yihaa!ga sia2 gue beribet2 ria.hahahaa)
and reza wins the 3th doorprize!! yuhuu what a lucky day! ;))

thats a great party! had a lot of fun in there;)) cheers!